Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
