Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Randomize
