I wish I could teleport
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
