upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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