Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
