I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
