Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
