New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
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