We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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