I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
