I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
