If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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