Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
