Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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