I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
