is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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