I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize