You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
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