I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
My dad is sitting where you rode me
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
