I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Is Oprah even human
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
