the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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