I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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