my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
worst night to have a conscience
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
