I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
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I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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