I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
i barfeds in our rink
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Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
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i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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