i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
