She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
