I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
