peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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