my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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