i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
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I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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