I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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