when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
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