And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
