My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
