i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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