you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
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