also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize