I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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