I have demons in me.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
It's rum buckets o'clock
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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