I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We were destined to go to rehab together
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
