someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
