Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
