Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
