I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
