the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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