an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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