I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
