I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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