wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
