i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
