why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
