He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
